Pros of being gay: both you and your wife would get into the lifeboats on the titanic.
One of my favourite things is when you don’t find someone all that physically attractive but then you get to know them and their personality starts to shine through their features and they become the most beautiful and exquisite creature.
Cat: *whiny meow*
Me: *imitates sarcastically*
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”